It's Called Football! My Weekly Round-Up

Chelsea have begun their search for a new manager. After seeing Paddy Power bookmakers install Carlo Ancelloti at 4/6 to be fired by Christmas, Ukranian owner  Roman Abramovich had this to say “When I see odds at Paddy Power, I think to myself, better to be safe than sorry. I hope he do good, but if he fail, I will finnish him.” 

Reported womanizer Ancelloti seemed unconcerned by the news. “I have 18 million reasons to be happy. Take me to Kings Road; I want to try some of your girls with the permed hair and the disgusting makeup; they sound fascinating.”

Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley remains locked in talks with several consortiums over the purchase of the club.

Ashley reportedly had a mild stroke this week when the Newcastle evening star informed him that he owed $15 million in player bonuses for the past season.

When asked if he thought new owners would affect his position as manager, Alan Shearer said “I don’t see why. Once I have chosen who the new owners will be, it should be pretty much plain sailing." Due to the current economic crisis the Toon Army or as opposing fans call them “Pikey Nation,” will be caravan pooling to all championship away fixtures this coming season.

Cristiano Ronaldo is set to move from Manchester United to Real Madrid for a record $100 million. Ronaldo is set to become the highest paid player in the game that doesn’t talk like a girl.