Murray: Henman in a skirt?

FRIDAY, June 3rd: Scot Andy Murray choked in true British fashion at Wimbledon today.

     He went down  three sets to one in the men’s semi-final against U.S. veteran Andy Roddick.

     “I feel bad for my people” Murray said “The English I could care less about.”

     Many Scottish celebrities turned out to cheer their charge on. Notable attendees included Susan Boyle, Sheena Easton and the Krankies.

     Scottish actor Ewan McGregor, a long time Murray fan, gave a more candid version of his feelings. “It’s SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the f****** Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers.”

     Roddick seemed to revel in the atmosphere “It was just fantastic, all those guys in skirts, I thought I was in Bangkok.”

     In a surprise move injury prone Michael Owen is set to become a Manchester United player on a free transfer.

“He’s the perfect signing for us” Sir Alex Ferguson said. “I needed someone for about 15 games who wouldn’t be bitching all the time. The wee man is a bit soft but it was a gift too good to turn down.”